Epinions Recent Reviews for ultramalcolm

Get Behind It (or Some Other Clever Pun)

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 01:23:21 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - Look, first things first. I am not a music reviewer. In fact, when presented with the "So, what kind of music do you listen to?" question at parties, I won't even discuss it. I find it very difficult to talk about music without being at least somewhat...

Cinna Bon Bon, Shake yer Bon Bon

Tue, 13 Mar 2001 17:30:19 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - God bless America. Where else in the free world, if I am stuck at an airport at 3 a.m., can I find a full day's calories neatly picked into an eight ounce explosion of cinnamoney lovin'?

Cinnabon will make you fat, and your children's heads...

Friendly's Scares the Bejeezus Outta Me

Tue, 13 Mar 2001 14:33:26 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - A meal at Friendly's is, indeed, one of the most upsetting experiences one can experience. Of course, when you're on the highway and simply MUST have a Super Clamboat, it can begin to seem like a good option.

Walking into a Friendly's...

Sneaky Little Soandso

Thu, 8 Mar 2001 18:56:54 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - Having recently moved to NYC, I find myself constantly surround by peculiarities. Old men urinating in subways. Gigantic, obese women shouting at bags of garbage. Babies smoking cigars. Imagine my delight, then, at the Casio watch-camera.

...

Cheap Sofas and Gravy Soaked Meat.

Thu, 8 Mar 2001 12:20:44 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - Try as I might, I cannot rip myself away from the IKEA catalog. I build rooms in my mind, after losing myself in its pages. I imagine a technicolor living room, a wicker bedroom, tables made of doors and beds made of shopping cart steel. I dream of...

My Girlfriend Wants to Hump Wolverine

Tue, 18 Jul 2000 19:04:05 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - Though I have always been largely disappointed by seeing my favorite comic books turned into movies, X-Men manages to be a fairly amazing film. Though some may be appalled at the movie's slight departure from comic book fact, the few changes made were...

Jeez, Those ARE Big Waves.

Wed, 5 Jul 2000 18:21:31 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - At my father, the crusty old seacaptain's request, I sat down and read The Perfect Storm. I was thoroughly captivated, was sucked into the novel immediately. Of course, I was delighted to hear about the release of the film. I was not, however,...

Lips, Inflated.

Mon, 24 Jan 2000 23:47:35 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - There is a definite point in Girl, Interrupted, where Angelina Jolie's lips seem nothing less than absurd. At the end of the film, Jolie's character explains her sociopathic motivations in full, blown-out, chapped glory.

Much as Jolie's lips...

You Damn, Dirty Apes!

Mon, 17 Jan 2000 12:38:30 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - Ape Escape is pure poetry. Nothing appeals to my good Japanese sci-fi sensibilities like a bunch of super intelligent monkeys with flashing sirens on their heads. This game has it all--graphics and style that will easily appeal to the younger set, with...

Leeloo's Divine Inspiration??

Thu, 13 Jan 2000 21:54:23 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - And here, all I thought Milla Jovovich could do was be beautiful and look enraptured. Oh, no, I guess that IS about the extent of her abilities. Could it be that that's all that is required to play Joan of Ark?

Okay, truth time: After seeing...

All Advantage: Free Money is a Pain in the Butt.

Thu, 13 Jan 2000 13:25:17 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author ultramalcolm - Whenever I would get angry and frustrated milking the cows, my daddy would tell me, "Malcolm, there's no sense squeezin' the teat but halfway." AllAdvantage is an excersize in half-hearted teat squeezing, but can be fairly rewarding if you...