Epinions Recent Reviews for jmaslinisahack

DO NOT USE THIS PRODUCT!!! Danger, danger, Will Robinson! To your gums, at least.

Tue, 4 Apr 2006 01:39:50 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - There has been ample debate, since their first release---electric toothbrushes vs. manual. Stick to manual! Especially when it comes to the Oral B. The company brags about the high rotations ripping plaque to shreds, too, but it makes mince meat of your...

Nivea softens up a hard case!

Tue, 4 Apr 2006 01:29:59 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Six years ago, I was on some thyroid-retarding anti-depressants that packed 95 pounds onto my midget frame. Now that I've long been back to my svelte self, it's time I attacked my stretch marks. So I addressed our resident amatuer dermatologist, Rachel...

“Revenge of the Sith”: Lucas’ Space Opera Goes Out in a Blaze of Benediction

Fri, 20 May 2005 14:59:02 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - In “Star Wars, Episode 4: A New Hope,” when Luke Skywalker, frustrated and chafing in the stasis of farm living, climbed that sand dune and gazed with infinite longing at the twin suns of Tatooine, I sensed a great doom had just occurred and all of...

Why Lucas is the Greatest Indoctrinating Racist in This or Any Other Galaxy

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 10:20:20 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - When it comes to summer blockbusters, it's sometimes necessary to plunge beneath the apple butter surface, straight down to the heart of arsenic. Take X-Men 2 for example. Erik Lencher, aka Magneto, is a bitter, mutated Jew, who, as a...

"Running With Scissors" Definitely Swallows

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 13:05:56 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - When I was in high school, kids were always asking me whether I spit or swallowed. I never got that question until I read "Running With Scissors," a memoir. The author, an Augusten Burroughs, definitely swallows. "Scissors" details Burroughs'...

‘Kill Bill: Volume I;’ What a Bumper Crop of Evil!

Sat, 18 Oct 2003 23:52:59 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Kill Bill: Volume One’ is a whalloping, rawbone, mercurial chug-a-lug of foot fetishry, hot jazz openings in gloriously drab Technicolor, cold steel, Klingon maxims, Chinese chop-shop swordsmanship, blood flushed from belimbed and be...

Bloodsuckers

Sun, 20 Jul 2003 19:14:13 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - One thing that's always bothered me about the vampire film subgenre is that there don't seem to be...

A twisty plot, twisted humor, the audience will be twisting in the aisles

Sun, 25 May 2003 11:26:36 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - There are four types of film, basically: the arthouse flick, the pretentious arthouse flick, the commercial picture and the well-made commercial picture. "Holes," the sort of entertainment I tend to favor, fits snugly in that fourth niche.

...

A Verdant, Heavyhearted Film Whose Master-of-the-Muted Director Gives Voice to Deep Longing

Sun, 25 May 2003 11:22:13 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - The title "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" is a redundancy: a tiger crouching in the long grass, ready to pounce. A dragon, concealed as well, another predator. The two title animals are symbols of passion, romantic passion, I feel. Two sets of...

Amazingly enough, I, the emperor-king of mandarin movie-lovers, actually enjoyed See Pro

Fri, 16 May 2003 14:51:25 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - "The Matrix: Reloaded" is a blistering vacuum, a warp speed cipher, a hyperactive goose egg. The original Matrix film gave us a present-day world that, while not being exactly Gothic, conveyed the catatonic lives of its zombified denizens by giving us...

"Mansfield Park" runs mad many, many times, but I'm the one left swooning

Wed, 14 May 2003 23:46:27 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Fanny Price has been summoned from her cockroach-ridden seaside shanty to the dour abode of her aunt and various other starchy, melancholy souls. One is an incurable narcoleptic who is forever dozing off, watchful pug curled up on her lap, only to come...

Just another ego-masturbating over-intellectualization of another loop-the-loop filled summer roller coaster ride

Mon, 12 May 2003 15:57:05 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Critics. God love 'em, but they've got really fickle eyes and ears. Take Bryan Singer's "X-Men 2," for instance. All of the critics, from The Times on down to the cyber-culture vultures, all raved about the little visual bursts of wit in this summer...

Viva le Revolution!

Mon, 31 Mar 2003 11:46:06 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - "Willard:" With Lord of the Oddballs Glover Starring, It’s Only Fitting the High Point Is a Michael Jackson Song.

Watching "Modern Times" last night, I was thoroughly dazzled by a scene performed by Charlie Chaplin in a storied department...

"Dreamcatcher" Proves That Only Kubrick Could Sooth the Savage, Schlocky King.

Mon, 31 Mar 2003 11:42:33 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Kubrick knew how to master King, but it's a good thing he only did it once. In his 1980 adaptation of "The Shining," the glacial auteur shaved much of the pulp writer's menagerie of creative exuberances. The menacing topiary creatures become an...

Robert McKee In a Movie, And It's Chris Cooper Who Gets Gobbled By a Gator.

Mon, 31 Mar 2003 11:39:04 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - About 13 years ago, an intrepid band of Bohemian directors, like the Merry Pranksters in Tom Wolfe's "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test," piled into their many-colored school bus and headed toward Tinsel Town for the mother of all freak-outs. In 2003,...

Another Wit-Laden Chan Socdolager Following Another Frowsty Formula.

Tue, 25 Mar 2003 10:40:03 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Whenever pressed with the question of whether cinema is art-art, like the hoofing of Isadora Duncan or Salvador Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory,” or the art of the horde, like folk ballads or the sit-com, I’m reminded of a...

I want my own little moustache sleeping mask! Wait, no I don't.

Sat, 22 Mar 2003 18:41:55 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - One should never, ever underestimate the power of the dreaming mind. I had a dream last night where I made a trip to Barnes & Noble, returned home, placed my purchases on my bookshelf. Then, passing by a short while later, I noticed a thick volume that I...

Bridget Jones: nowhere near as clever a diarist as Boswell, but infinitely more adorable.

Thu, 13 Mar 2003 11:49:07 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - After a whomping weekend marathon of the original director's cut of "Birth of a Nation", "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" and "My Fair Lady" left me feeling like, as the old-time humorists would say, I had a head full of rivets, I decided the best way...

TV Broadcasting Titans Tussle Over Peppy, Peacherino Producer.

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 11:44:59 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Ah, movie critics. All filmmakers have to do is toss in some Christ or phallic symbolism and suddenly they're all salivating over the abysmal profundity of their productions. I had thought I had seen it all, but when Paul Newman in "Cool Hand Luke",...

Mecha-Munchkin Goes to Earth's End to Find Flesh-and-Blood Family.

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 11:40:53 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - "Is there nothing new under the sun?" lamented Anthony Lane in his extended review of "Apocalypse Now Redux" (which features not 1, but 2, count 'em 2 Brando jokes). That was in 2002 and 2003 seems to be doing a lot of recycling as well. "X-Men 2", 2...

Yappy Yuppies Enjoy Soulful Skull Session in Old Grandeur of New Venice.

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 11:36:21 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Everybody knows the old chestnuts concerning French girls: they're snooty, world-weary, smoke like chimneys, papery-bodied, always clutching a lit cigarette, were draining full glasses of wine at age 8, lost their virginity at 12. It's every American...

"The Life of David Gale" Is a Gilded Horse Apple of a Flick!

Fri, 28 Feb 2003 16:06:24 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Kevin Spacey is a sniggering, twig-thin, death penalty-opposing Old Wigsby who tosses off withering repartee with the velocity of a verbal gun-fanner, hits the sauce like a down-on-his-luck West Virginia coal miner and wipes off the vehemant brickbats of...

This Corking Collection of Cock-eyed Colloquialisms is Cloud Nine for Word Fanciers.

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 17:49:23 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - Being a college student pays you back in ways you rarely ever expect. On the second floor of the English department of Niagara County Community College (affectionately or sardonically known as Nabisco Tech, due to the founding academic building being a...

Cate Marvin is a Sexy, Blizzed, Free-wheeling, Demoniac, Moon-baying Preppy.

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 17:47:06 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - I always find it odd that a wild poet, or a poet who writes wildly attended a college, or worse, a university. It seems a bit peculiar to me too if that wild poet, or that wild-writing poet has won awards, and even more so if they are prestigious awards...

Gotham Guru, Metropolitan Mastermind, and Finally, Finally, Published.

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 17:45:09 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author jmaslinisahack - "I JERKED OFF to it." -Georges Bataille

"I'd date him." -Josephine Baker

"I'd date him." -Truman Capote

"Yummy." -The Cookie Monster.

"If only Martha understood me so well."...