Epinions Recent Reviews for Lambira

Don’t Spend $140 on the Imperial Rocking Model

Thu, 3 May 2001 15:16:26 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Buy the Kolcraft Tender Vibes for $50 instead.

My daughter was born six weeks early, and to avoid another night of sleeping in a padded laundry basket I sent my faithful spouse to the nearest Toys whimsically backwards R Us store to purchase a...

Your Baby Is Not Good Enough For Martha Stewart

Fri, 6 Apr 2001 17:11:23 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - With Martha Stewart Baby, the consummate media trollop has tapped into perhaps the only remaining category where women felt secure in the primacy of their role. God knows that next to Martha, we’re all crummy cooks, tasteless decorators, and...

Maytag Neptune MAH4000 Front Loader Washer: Not For Lonely Housewives

Mon, 2 Apr 2001 17:13:30 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - I used to hear those stories about sexually frustrated housewives leaning up against their washing machines for a few cheap thrills. Mind you, I have never tried this myself, but I will tell you this: if that is your motivation for purchasing a washing...

I Saw It For Free, and STILL Want My Money Back

Wed, 7 Mar 2001 14:11:56 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Spy Kids, released by Miramax’s Dimension films, is the kind of movie that smacks completely of corporate engineering. One gets feeling that the idea for it was conceived as Harvey Weinstein sat on the toilet, reading Daily Variety. “Hey!”...

Nepotism Ain't Always Bad

Sun, 18 Feb 2001 21:15:38 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - One of the greatest travesties ever in cinematic history was brought about by the nepotistic casting of Sofia Coppola as Mary Corleone in the Godfather, Part III. Since Hollywood is a place where the offspring of the rich and famous will be forced...

The Dryer Of Choice For Mutant Spiders In My Basement

Wed, 14 Feb 2001 19:45:27 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Recently, I moved from an apartment to my very own house. I have since come to realize that while I may philosophically long for the carefree, pre-hideously large gut-choking mortgage payment rental days of yore, I do NOT, repeat, do NOT, miss the wacky...

Nice work from The Jerk

Tue, 6 Feb 2001 20:18:41 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - One of my favorite memories of when I was but a sprout was listening to my father's Steve Martin LPs. I liked to sing along to King Tut, and I pretended to understand jokes such as "My mother's singing teacher is a dirty old man. He keeps telling her to...

Stop Her Before She Stars Again!

Tue, 28 Nov 2000 20:13:04 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Sandra Bollocks

Makes crappy movies

Career in freefall

Sandra Bullock, or “Sandy” as I might call her if we were doing girly things together such as having pillow fights in our sheer negligees (by the way, all of my friends...

Pushing The Limits Of Credibility

Tue, 28 Nov 2000 15:13:18 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - On paper, Vertical Limit looks like a bad idea. A mountain climbing movie featuring an all- nonstar cast of Bill Paxton, Robin Tunney, Scott Glenn, and the guy who played Alex Kryczeck from the X-files? Not to mention that the only vixen in the...

The Next Best Thing To Hotel Porn

Tue, 17 Oct 2000 17:24:14 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - I travel A LOT for work. At minimum, I'm gone about 8 business days out of every month; on heavier months, I average up to 15. Most of my trips are quick, one-to-two day, multi-city jaunts for various meetings. I also attend a fair number of week-long...

Send In The Coke-Snorting Clowns

Mon, 9 Oct 2000 16:15:52 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - The pickings were slim this Saturday at the Video Emporium; we’d seen almost everything, and had no intention of subjecting ourselves to those that we hadn’t. Mena Suvari in American Virgin? No thanks. Any movie that has to resort to ending...

Feeling Like A Fat Bastard

Tue, 3 Oct 2000 18:01:40 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - One of the more humiliating aspects of being a woman (and believe me, there’s no shortage) is the annual gynecological exam. You may be a high-powered lawyer or senator or CFO in your normal life, but on this day you are humbled, dressing in an oversized...

Scary Stories, Suspect 'Science'

Sun, 10 Sep 2000 21:16:10 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - When I got the email from Frazzledspice about the Olympic book write-off, my first impulse was to chortle demonically as I hit the ‘delete’ key. After all, I have as much fun watching the Olympics as an agoraphobe does at a rock concert. To me, Olympic...

Estee Lauder Fruition: Lick My Face!

Fri, 8 Sep 2000 16:00:09 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Miraculously, after only two weeks of applying Estee Lauder's Fruition Extra every evening, I began to look exactly like spokeswoman Elizabeth Hurley and was offered several movie roles and modeling jobs!

I am extremely cynical when it comes...

Suck Less At Golf: PGA Village In Port St Lucie, FL

Thu, 31 Aug 2000 18:13:17 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - One of the ironies of my life is that I handle my company’s PGA of America sponsorship and consult for our PGA tour relationship, yet I loathe golfing. I have a standing invitation to play courses like Pinehurst and Wingfoot, but I don’t want to use my...

Keanu+tight pants/sparse dialog = A Good Thing

Fri, 18 Aug 2000 09:32:21 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Due to my extreme lust for one of the lead actors, I’m probably not the most impartial person to ask about the entertainment value contained within the two-hour modern sports ne’er-do-well fable that is The Replacements. Generally, if someone...

Archived Web Services Reviews: Survivorsucks.com: Enjoy The Remaining Fifteen Minutes.

Sun, 13 Aug 2000 10:49:39 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - Pulau Tiga

Might I sample some vermin

From your sunny shores?

Island Haiku on www.survivorsucks.com, written by survivorsucks regular And One

So, I was sitting here and there as drunk as a skunk, randomly...

Can Eddie Murphy Ever Just Play Eddie Murphy Again?

Sun, 6 Aug 2000 10:25:31 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - A few weekends ago my mother had to get surgery, and I spent a great deal of time trying to distract her and cheer her up. (The surgery went well, the results were good, and she’s in perfect health now.) I also needed a little cheering of my own due to...

Landlocked For Life

Mon, 17 Jul 2000 17:32:33 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - A few years ago, I saw a movie called Crazy People starring Dudley Moore. It was about an advertising executive who supposedly went crazy and started writing product slogans that were brutally honest. For example, he wrote this slogan for a...

Kundera, Milan: The Laughable Lightness Of Being Elsewhere

Fri, 14 Jul 2000 19:34:35 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - I first became acquainted with Milan Kundera my sophomore year in college. Searching desperately for something that would fulfill an English course requirement and having heard horror stories about some of the professors teaching other courses (not to...

Scary Movie:Sweet Jesus, I'm Still Having Nightmares.

Fri, 7 Jul 2000 23:28:03 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - So there I was: sitting with my Intrepid Spouse (OK, dammit, it’s a cornelia phrase, and I’m stealing it. I’ve credited her enough!) in the theater. We were nestled right between a 7-10 split of two yacht-club-member-looking parents (“I have a...

A Couple Of Friends

Mon, 26 Jun 2000 22:57:38 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - The following review is an entry in the epinions.com National Gay & Lesbian Pride Month Write-Off.

The participants are myself, expono, kcfoxy, caconti; kurt_messick; mshawpyle; frazzledspice; fdknight; Leah; kchowell;...

Discovery Cove: Swim With Dolphins

Fri, 23 Jun 2000 22:31:42 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - The last two weeks have provided me an oddly contrasting set of experiences. I spent a little over a week in Alaska for vacation, where one of the highlights of the trip (captured in a separate opinion) was when I caught and ate a big fish. This week, I...

Salmon fishing in Alaska: a (slightly gross) practical guide

Fri, 23 Jun 2000 11:30:56 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - One of the most memorable experiences of my recent trip to Alaska (albeit one I don’t necessarily want to repeat) was our king salmon fishing trip. The salmon run only during June and July and fishing for kings is tightly regulated; you can only keep one...

Survivor: Gilligan's Island Goes To Hell

Thu, 8 Jun 2000 19:19:13 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Lambira - I am leaving for Alaska in two days. We’ll be camping, hiking, and salmon fishing; I understand the hikes can be rigorous, and have been preparing for my trip physically by breaking in my hiking boots and stepping up my weekly running mileage so that...