Epinions Recent Reviews for Fez_Monkey

Strange Aromas In Caesar's Palace

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 01:44:19 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Glenlivet. Distilled on the banks of the River Livet. Steak and eggs. Potatoes and Jam. Make money! Man, does my head hurt! This should really be Saki's story. He's too shy to tell the world how he swooped in and came to our aid, how he...

Angry Black Men at a Gas Station In The Stow

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 13:07:07 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Gentle Readers. A while back, in response to your constant braying and whining, I allowed one of my intrepid comrades to post an original essay. Unfortunately, Eggs' little offering was met with a combination of disdain and disinterest. Yet, even...

Transatlantic Erosion

Fri, 8 Apr 2005 18:40:26 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Nick Hornby has the sort of success the likes of which most people can only dream. A wildly successful writer, with three of his works converted to movies -- one of them twice. And he isn't yet 50. His writing, at least his books, share a common...

Necro-Pedo-Philia

Mon, 4 Apr 2005 18:24:05 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Is it wrong for a grown man to become physically engorged and erotically ionized by somewhat oddly shaped black & white drawings of a dead, pre-adolescent girl? If so, I may be in serious trouble. There is something about Lenore that makes me so...

Gumming the Mummy

Thu, 27 May 2004 20:46:12 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - How did it come to this? All my life, it seems, I have been building in my obsessively private video fetishism to this point: a movie featuring Bruce Campbell about an AARP-aged Elvis teaming up with an artificially dyed JFK to battle an evil Egyptian...

The Idiot's Crusade

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 14:29:19 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Hey, gringos! It's the Monkey come to ruin your drinking water. A few nights ago, after Duende managed to convince Scarlet that he had some vitally important meeting to attend at 8PM, I had the pleasure of sitting down with he and Eggs to watch...

Fear and Desperation in the White House

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 17:20:11 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Ah, it’s that most wonderful time of life, that quadrennial explosion of color and noise, that frenetic orgy of naked competition, desire, greed, blood-lust, and hysteria. Of course, I am speaking of the European Cup soccer championships, this year...

Lomoliscious

Wed, 24 Mar 2004 20:59:22 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Ah, the Lomo - obvioiusly the product of a mind warped by too much "e" and countless hours of pulsing, hypnotic house music, but still cuddly and open enough to call a cantankerous old coot friend. My experience with Lomo is not all that long, but...

The idiots at eMachines support notwithstanding, not a bad laptop

Thu, 26 Feb 2004 17:16:22 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Humbly report. The last piece of astoundingly superior 100% relevant consumerlicious helpfulosity I posted concerned the so-called customer and technical support provided by the venerable eMachines...

Emachines: A pack of brain damaged gerbils could do better

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 16:04:00 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Mr. Mike Zimmerman Executive Vice President, Global Customer Care and Quality Assurance eMachines 14350 Myford Rd, Ste.100 Irvine, CA 92606 Dear Mr. Zimmerman; I am writing to let you know of the astoundingly awful technical & customer service...

Big Daddy W's Personal Bitch

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 03:24:18 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Humbly report. You know, the New York Times is often referred to, or at least used to be, as the Old Gray Lady. Now, not being a Nyawkah, or even overly familiar with the NYT, I can’t be sure if that was a term of endearment (implying grace,...

Sabbath Soul Food

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 15:17:50 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Settle in, my children, as I expose you to yet another true episode of the poorly written and abysmally acted situation-comedy series that is my life. Recently, the Lady Monkey and I took a short drive to visit her sister, Eenie, and to enjoy a bit of...

A Hard Lesson in a 12 Oz. Aluminum Can

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 02:49:43 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - The traffic moving north along the 405 through the valley toward Valencia was lighter than normal for a Saturday morning, meaning that we would arrive at Oso's a bit earlier than expected. That would be fine, as in practical terms it meant we would have...

Jebem ti boga

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 04:05:37 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - The aroma of the Chicken Korma hung heavily about the table, perfuming the area with its rich fragrance. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to enjoy the pleasing scent or its piquant flavor like the Lady Monkey, because I was too busy writhing in agony on the...

Paradise Lost

Wed, 11 Sep 2002 01:39:01 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - A great part of American tradition is the duty that we, the people, have to be extremely critical of our government. This vigilance, in effect, makes us the 4th branch of government, keeping all our elected officials in line. This was recognized as...

Cross-Cultural Catastrophe

Mon, 5 Aug 2002 16:59:02 GMT

rating: 2/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - It was about 7pm on a Friday night, and while both the Lady Monkey and I were hungry, neither of us felt much like doing battle with the pots and pans. So instead we opted to head out into the balmy Santa Monica summer evening in search of dinner...

Scoopin' Dookie

Tue, 2 Jul 2002 19:36:37 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - I wish I could tell you just how bad Scooby Doo is. I really wish I could. But there just aren't enough words, or for that matter, words strongly negative enough, to convey just how god-awful this was.

It sucked. It blew. It...

Turning Down Nekkid Wimmins: The Lexiphiliac W/O

Fri, 4 Jan 2002 19:26:05 GMT

rating: 3/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - B. H-----

Subscription Director

Penthouse Magazine

PO Box XXXXX

Palm Coast, FL 32142

Aloha, B.

So, there you are, livin' large and kickin' it in the MUMMIFIED confines of Palm Coast, eh? Things are...

Illegitimis non carborundum*

Mon, 31 Dec 2001 18:26:52 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - NOTE: This letter was actually mailed to both the President & CEO of Adelphia, as well as the Western Regional Vice President, and the local branch office on 2 January 2002.

John Rigas, President

Adelphia Media Services
...

In Search Of Spielberg's White Whale

Tue, 6 Nov 2001 05:08:20 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Call me Fez Monkey…

With it’s release in 1975, Jaws accomplished two apparently contradictory things: while scaring the ever-lovin píss out of would be beach-goers it started a hysterical hatred of sharks, while at the same time helping...

Union Pacific Peep Show

Sat, 3 Nov 2001 02:54:34 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - You know what? I've come to be comfortable with you. Hell, I like you and I respect you, so I've decided to share something with you. Now this is just you and me, okay? So I don't want to be humming long in a few days and have some total stranger...

But what I really want to do is direct!

Mon, 15 Oct 2001 22:42:50 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - Being an "industry town", LA has many peccadilloes that provide those of us who honestly have no desire to be part of the bright-lights endless enjoyment. A big part of that is how it seems that everyone is auditioning or working to get their options...

Liquid Courage

Thu, 11 Oct 2001 05:36:33 GMT

rating: 5/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - There I was: very cold, very drunk, and standing on top of a 250 foot pole being whipped by the fierce San Francisco winds. The two questions that immediately sprung to my mind is "What the hell am I doing here?" and ?How the hell am I going to get...

All The News That's Fit To Twist

Tue, 9 Oct 2001 12:53:40 GMT

rating: 1/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - "Think globally - act locally." Yet another well-meaning philosophy which has been usurped and perverted by the mainstream, and turned into little more than a hackneyed phrase used to peddle half-liters of designer mineral water, or the latest painfully...

On The Path to True Love in Las Vegas, Nevada

Thu, 4 Oct 2001 00:52:10 GMT

rating: 4/5 by: Epinions Author Fez_Monkey - As if waking from a coma I suddenly realized that there was no dream, and that I was once again back on the unwavering asphalt path to Las Vegas. Jesus Christ, how the hell did I ever end up back here? The stark reality of the triple-digit...